No, I don't smoke my herbs...

I have decided from now on I will be planting a garden every year. To my surprise these plants are still alive, and yes.. actually bearing veggies. I'm awesome. Too bad I can't grow a cow. Because THAT would be awesome. Just wake up everyday and say...

"I'm going to go pick a steak to have with my eggs. That, my friends would be Legen..(wait for it) dary!"

I worked in the garden today and decided it was time to harvest (I feel SO weird saying harvest, like I'm Laura Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie ) the herbs which were getting out of hand. So we have bags of Dill, AppleMint, German Thyme and Lemon Verbena. NO idea what to do with any of them, but I grew them, dried them and bagged 'em up! Who needs herbs? I have plenty.

I was actually talking to someone the other day and mentioned I had a corner of my garden sectioned off for herbs and he said, "ahhh, I remember the day when I used to smoke my own herbs". Nice dude, I'm not a pot farmer, I am literally talking about herbs, like as in to cook with herbs. As in Emeril Lagasse herbs, not Bob Marley herbs. Wow.

But anyways... if any of you have a freaking clue what to do with a boat load of herbs... please inform me. Because I honestly have NO idea what I will be doing with mass amounts of lemon verbena.

Ultimate Body Applicators - Information and Photos

The Ultimate Body Applicators more commonly known as a "Skinny Wrap" are no doubt the hottest thing on the market. It Works Global, a health and wellness company is the ONLY company with anything like this. We are the ONLY company that has a wrap that can be applied at home to help you tone, tighten, and firm your body. 

Let's get scientific for a moment and allow to explain this product. These body applicators are site specific wraps. The Ultimate Body Applicators are 100% natural, containing plant and botanical derived ingredients which are made into a cream and applied to a non-woven cloth. That cloth is placed anywhere on your body and left in place for as little as 45 minutes or up to 8 hours. These wraps first and foremost detox your body's fat cells from the inside out where it is applied. That detoxing taking place is allowing these ingredients to penetrate into your fat cells and start working their magic.

You're asking, "How does it work?" Let me explain.

The ingredients on the wrap pull toxins from fat cells. When that happens, fat cells shrink when toxins are removed. The removing of toxins and shrinking of fat cells is what results in toning, and tightening.

These applicators improve circulation, reduce stretch marks and scaring, tighten and tone your skin, and can completely change your life. The results don't just last a week, or a day... these results last. And let's not forget that the applicators are not the only products. There are tons! But I have a few favorites...

If interested please email me at houstonhousewife@gmail.com for more information! 

Or visit the SHOP link at the top of the blog which will take you to my website.

 

It's my party and I can cry if I want to...

The dreaded birthday has arrived. Today is my 29th birthday and it is killing me. And I've only been 29 for approximately 3 hours. So sad. Everyone says that your 30's are way better than your 20's, but my twenties were great and will be hard to beat. I met my husband, got married, started a family, graduated from school, bought our first home, made amazing memories, new friends, and grew up. I don't want to grow up any more than I already have. I like my 20's! And to think this is my last year to bask in being "young" is depressing.

Today's tasks are:

• Finding a good doctor and start investing in Botox, NOW.
• Find another good doctor and organize the journey of lifting, sucking, and tucking the body that was once perfect. 
• Possibly find Edward Cullen and ask for him to make me stay this age forever. 29 would be a good age for a Vampire. [And being bit by that piece of ass would be a great present.]
• Look into nursing homes for my future, because lets face it... 30 is next and then I will be OLD!
• Cry some more, and hope that the salty tears are good for the crows feet that will soon be developing. 
• Buy one of those awful clip-on reading lamps for my side of the bed. 
• Make an appointment with the eye doctor and get fitted for my bifocals. Maybe I can get some of those cool, floral frames.
• AND...
• Invest in the "Adult Underpants" stock.

If I can somehow accomplish all those things today, I should be prepared for my last year in my 20's and be well prepared for the life of an old person that lies before me.....

Happy Freakin' Birthday to Me.

So Depressing.

DIY Lyrics Canvas

I love hand painted canvases. Rather it's abstract, portraiture, scenery, landscapes, or even my children's finger paintings. I personally have no actual "painting" skills so I decided to not paint, but write on the canvas. Our room is black, white, and gray. Simple, modern, and clean. I wanted a large canvas for the room. I love how it turned out. Yes, the writing would probably look better if it was not so "neat" but I can't help that, it's just my handwriting. I suppose I wanted it to be a little more raw, sloppy, less perfect, not so straight. Definitely will be doing this project again, maybe with white background and black letters. Possibly with a less "steady hand". We'll see : )

What I used:

Largest canvas I could buy at Hobby Lobby

Black and White Acrylic Paint

Paint brushes (large, and small)

I simply painted the entire canvas black and let it dry. Then I took my favorite lyrics "Lullaby" by the Spill Canvas and started to paint the lyrics onto the canvas. It took two coats of tracing the lyrics in white but I love it. It adds something different to our room, and I get to look at those lyrics that I love ever so much.

You could do this with any size, style, color, etc... and it is definitely an easy and unique project! And yes, the pictures aren't great. The iPhone was handy and I just don't take great pictures. 

"Dramatic" doesn't even come close....

At Target this afternoon ("The Dot Store" according to my children), I get a call from hubby. It goes something like this....

H: "Someone hit my car!"
Me : "What? What do you mean?"
H: "Someone drove into the front end of my car and drove off"
Me: "So call the insurance company."
H: "I'm going to track this person down and make him pay"
Me: "Good Luck with that BatMan. Have fun finding ONE person in a city of 5+million".
H: "The front end is ruined! And I am going to need a whole new bumper. And there are scratches on the hood"
Me: "Well, call the police and insurance company"
H: "Okay."

So, Hubby called the Police which never showed up. No surprise there. Thanks Houston P.D. He came home and I went outside to evaluate the damage.....

I walk outside and get PISSED! I thought he was lying because I didn't see any damage. So I went closer and noticed that the "scratches" on the hood were actually dead, splattered bugs, and the "ruined front end" was actually a bent license plate. Yeah, you heard me. This man had me concerned that the entire bumper, front end, etc... would need replacing and probably a paint job. When in all actuality the car was dirty, with a bent license plate.

Dramatic doesn't even come close to how I should describe James at this very moment.

WOW

Cowardly Lion + Tin-Man = Roni

As you already know, Monday was "Hair Day". You also know my stylist comes to me. Well, because it was a Monday Teagan had school. James told me he would pick Teagan up so I didn't have to rush the "hair process". Well, 20 minutes before it was time to get Teagan, I received the call from James. 

"I can't get her. I'm stuck in the office"

I had 100+ foils in my hair, color processing, and looking ridiculous. And yes, I had no choice. I had to go get my child. Luckily Jen [stylist] agreed to stay home with Parks so I could "drive in the car with foils all over my head to go get Teagan, again... with foils all in my hair." 

[Pretty sure I caused several wrecks from the blinding reflection due to the foils]

Called the Pre-School and told Mrs. Barbara to bring her out so I wouldn't have to be more humiliated than I already was. Upon getting there, Mrs. Barbara was now busy. This means I HAD TO GO INSIDE looking like a mixture of the cowardly lion and the tin-man. Horrifying. 

As soon as I get out of the car, the laughter starts. The director of the school couldn't even contain herself and was crying, due to laughing entirely too hard. Awesome. [I was the person getting laughed at if you didn't already know this.] Teagan's teachers, fellow students parents, and kids were all in a fit of laughter. I tried not to cry.

I opened the door and Teagan sat up off her nap mat and said,

"Oh No. Please don't kiss me"

Yeah, I embarrassed my child.

That's not the worse part. Once I collected her things as fast as possible, we get to the hallway and the pictures start. The director was TAKING PICTURES OF ME! Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was seriously like a bad dream. I've had similar before. Showing up naked to church. Or doing a photo shoot with boogers on my face, etc... But this was real, and I was scarred for life. Here y'all go. I figured I would allow yall to laugh since 100 people already did. 

Happy Hump Day! And look at poor Teagan. She was horrified. 

Things that make sleeping with the husband problematic....

Okay, Ladies. Who out there has a husband who does certain things that makes sleeping in the same bed as him entirely problematic? I know there has GOT to be others besides me that have those nights where all you want to do it give them a pillow and make them go outside. I didn't go to bed last night until after 4a.m. because of James... Here is a list of all things occurring between 9p.m.-4a.m. that made me want to throw him outside.

1. Clawing me with his hooves. Not cool, dude. He wants to rub his huge feet on my silky legs resulting in his toes scraping me like I'm a damn scratching post. "Dearest James, you are not of the feline family and I am not made out of shitty carpet on a post. So please stop sharpening your claws on my amazing legs." 

2. Rolling over and trying to spoon while his mouth is open. This results in his hot breathe giving me an un-needed facial. Who needs ProActive when your husbands hot breathe will kill all bacteria and clean out your clogged pores? [Insert me gagging, because it's well....awful]

3. Gas. OMG! Not polite little, semi-stinky poots [which EVERYONE has when they sleep] but horrible, wake a dead man, rotting flesh and eggs gas. And mind you that by this time he has now latched on in the "Hot facial spoon position" so I am cocooned in this cloud of nuclear, poisonous, dead corpse gas. I literally had to endure his 200 lbs of flesh, hot breath, and putrid gas suffocating me. I wanted to die.

4. The wake-up and love me move. Um, no. You brush those teeth before you even come near me. And I would also appreciate if you showered before you tried to get some morning action. By this point his gas had secured itself to every hair follicle of his body and the scent just stuck, his breathe was worse than road kill.

5. ..... okay. There isn't a five. But to have four bullets seemed odd so I had to add a five.

Bless his soul, I love him. But there are nights where I would much rather sleep a hairy, homeless man. Now granted this doesn't occur every night but on the nights it does I legit want to die. And last night was horrific. Pray for my sanity today as I only got 4 hours of sleep!

My hair is awesome!

My first "vlog"... I'll be doing these occasionally. It's FUN! And you know, I'm vain and I like looking at myself. I kid. Okay, you're right... I don't. I really am vain.

Ha! Have a HAPPY MONDAY!

Happy Mother's Day!!

(This was almost two years ago, but still one of my favorite moments
of my children playing together. Love you Teagan and Parker!)

Just wanting to wish all you Mommies a Happy Mother's Day! As I sit here this morning being showered with love by my two little rug-rats I just thank God that I was given such  blessings. Never take for granted what God has given you. It's hard to believe that He thought I was good enough to be given these children. Regardless of how hard life gets, how many downhill moments you have, how many obstacles you have to overcome just be thankful for your children. I know that there have been days where the ONLY, and I mean ONLY thing that has gotten me through are my kids. Their sweet smiles, their precious voices, their sweet demeanor, are all small little reminders that I AM BLESSED!

Happy Mother's Day! Be Grateful, and enjoy YOUR DAY!

Green Thumb Godess!

So, in late Spring I decided I wanted a garden. I have never in my life been able to keep even a house plant alive [or fish, but that's an entirely different story] but I thought the kids would enjoy attempting to grow things and figured we would give it a shot.

So in late March we planted: 

3 types of tomatoes

Red, yellow, and orange bell peppers

4 jalapeno plants

Baby carrots

Arugula

Basil

Thyme

Apple Mint

Lemon Verbena

German Dill

&

Rosemary

[We also planted cucumbers but they took over like rabid, killer, vines so I had to uproot those bad boys for choking out my tomatoes!]

Much to my surprise the garden has survived and is starting to mature into beautiful, LARGE, healthy, veggie baring plants. SO stinkin' excited! The baby carrots are precious and we like to let Teagan pick those and feed them to her guinea pigs [which she thinks is the coolest thing in the entire world]. I've been cutting herbs any time I need them for cooking and they just keep growing, and growing! Not to mention they make my garden smell like a slice of heaven.

A couple days ago I finally picked my first jalapenos and some herbs to hang dry:) So I had to share! I HAVE VEGGIES! I actually grew something. As in my hands planted seeds, and something grew from those tiny little seeds! AMAZING!

I'll be keeping you posted on my latest pickings! Ahhh!!! And let me just say, food that you grow tastes 183% better than the stuff you purchase in a store.

Something as simple as growing a garden, has made for a great activity for me and the kids this spring/summer! Can't wait to have more pictures to share!

Roni.

Tears, Tornadoes, and Weird Mustard Skies

Let me start by saying, I. Don't. Cry. Like literally. Of course I cry when I'm hurt or if something tragic happens, occasionally under the weight of stress but other than that I really don't cry. I discovered yesterday that my children are going to make me become a crier. I received my first "hand-made" Mother's Day present yesterday and it got me. This tiny little gift pulled my heart strings so tight I thought I wasn't ever going to expand my lungs and breathe again. Teagan is in her first year of a school (she's four) and made me my gift at school this week. I couldn't resist, so as we got in the car I opened it. I sat in the parking lane of her school for nearly 20 minutes sobbing. Sweet Teagan.... This is her response to my tears...

"Do you not like it? I can make you something else, Mom".

OMG!!

-Here is what my Teagan Payge made me-

The sweetest, most precious gift I have EVER in my life received. The poem read so true, I will one day miss those little finger prints all over my house!

Tears. Would. Not. Stop.

So, Happy Mother's Day to all you Mommies out there! I hope you all received something that pulled at your heart strings:)

Onto Tornadoes.....

I'm in Houston. As in, I moved here assuming I would get washed away by a hurricane before I ever had to worry about tornadoes. Umm, apparently not. We have had probably 10-12 tornado warnings in the past 48 hours and it is FREAKING ME OUT! I never know what to do? Get in the stairway closet [which freaks me out anyways, I swear there's a ghost in there], get in the bathtub [really? with 3 dogs, 2 Guinea pigs, and 4 humans? Probably not] or possibly just go outside and jump in the pool and get sucked away while at least having fun? Honestly, I never know what I am supposed to do.

After the initial fear of a deathly wind tunnel sucking up me and my family, the storm calmed and I walked outside to see why my house was glowing a weird mustard color which was coming in the windows. This is what it looked like outside.

Really? This is weird.

Why is all the color off? The pool looks like it's full of algae, the grass looks yellow. Weird. And freaky.

Not sure if I was glad the storm had passed or if I was more scared of the creepy sky and what laid behind it's yellow veil. But I took these as quick as possible so I could run back inside and freak out a little more!

Hope you all have a great weekend!
Roni.

PomPom Hell, arthritic hands, and annoyance...

Have y'all, have you ever seen those hanging pom pom's for parties, kids rooms, etc? Well... they are precious, and awesome, and of course I had to make them for Teagan's room. The problem is.... they are brutal! I never thought it would take this long. I literally haven't touched them in a week because I am trying to let my hands heel. After cutting nearly 3,000, 4" circles [and mind you, this only covers 2 pom poms and I have 4 to make] my hands feel arthritic.

Crippled. Broken. Aching. Arthritic. Painful.

Those are only a few words to describe my painful hands. I would elaborate but that would result in numerous four-letter words and I won't do that here. So... here is what I have thus far.. 1 complete yellow pom. And, a 1/4 completed gray pom. I have two small ones left to do and at this point I'm like...

"eh, I'll just buy them off Etsy."

No, I won't. I hate to give up that way and just buy something that I can make for a fraction of the price and will be something I am PROUD of after it's actually complete. But as of now... I'm annoyed. My hands hurt. And these PomPom had to have been derived from hell.

True Story.

[tutorial will be posted as soon as I am finished with these annoyances!]

No more man hands & shellac rocks!

I am I WAS a nail biter. I will be 29 in a few weeks and I have literally been biting my nails my entire life. Not just chewing on my nails but I had horrible, chewed to the quick, sore, ugly man hands my entire life because of the habit. It was embarrassing and something I have never been able to quit doing. Unsure as to whether it was a nervous tick, or just a bad habit I knew I had to quit. I decided a couple months ago that I would wear solar nails until the urge to bite them off subsided.

Well, today was about 2.5 months after I had the set put on. I decided it was time for a new set and went in to have them soaked off. Once all acrylic was off I saw MY nails. My real life, totally natural nails and yes... I cried right there in the nail salon. I decided to not put a new set on but instead get my first ever manicure and shellac polish. Again, I'm almost 29 and have never, in my entire life had a manicure simply because I never had any nails TO manicure. Until now:)

I got my manicure and my shellac polish and just looked at my nails with such pride. I couldn't believe after so many decades of biting, and chewing, and bleeding, etc... I actually had real nails. This is something I never thought I would break and can't believe I actually left solars on long enough to let my real nails grow. Lucky for me my Daddy is here visiting this week and was here to witness his daughter having girl hands for the first time in my entire life. He was just as emotional about it as I was, hahaha... He had never seen me with nails or POLISH for that matter.

So there you have it folks. I have nails. Pretty, real, natural nails without the help of any tips, plastic, acrylic, gels, etc... I couldn't be more proud and had to share! NO MORE MAN HANDS! I can actually get manicures, hold my husbands hand without being embarrassed, etc... So proud.

Have a great rest of the weekend!

NY Resolution... 5 months late....

Have you ever noticed that most women tend to start letting themselves go after children? I am one of them. It's not a choice I made, it's simply that I no longer have the time or space to get ready. Of course I bathe and all, but I rarely [and I mean RARELY] do the whole hair and make-up bit. I'm usually in sweats, no make-up and my hair in a ratty ponytail. I truly don't have the time. With a 4 and 2 year old, it seems impossible to even use the restroom without being accompanied by two kids. I have to say... I am getting tired of it.

How do you working Moms find the time to get ready and be presentable for work? I stay at home and find it impossible to add the daily chore of getting ready to my already 1,378 mile long list of other to-do's! I suppose this post will be and can be considered my 5-month late New Years Resolution.

I'm tired of looking old, and ugly, and a worn out housewife. I want to look pretty, and feel pretty. So from this day forward, I vow to open the make-up bag at LEAST 3 times a week. Or at least, try!

Maybe, just maybe I can actually make myself presentable a few times a week!

Wish  me luck! I wonder if I even remember how to use the flat iron? Or make up for that matter! If you see me and I look like a clown, please politely inform me that I should probably start "practicing" on my make-up skills.

Just my luck, and totally random...

This morning as I was outside watering the garden, I saw the dogs digging in some deep ground cover. This usually indicates that they are after a lizard or frog, which in turn indicates that I am fixing to have to save some type of critter from the depths of my dogs throats. Well, today it was a lizard. [I LOVE lizards. Always have. I think they are awesome, interesting, and the cutest reptiles ever.]

Nala [10 yr-old, 70 lb German Shepard] got the little guy and took off. I was able to catch up [because I'm awesome and run like the wind, haha... not really] and save the lizard. He was missing a tail, a couple toes, but seemed fine other than that! Except for the fact that even though I just saved his little green ass, he saw me as a "danger" and bit me. Yeah, totally bit me. Guess I can check that off my bucket list, I've never been bitten by a lizard; until today. Oddly enough, it didn't hurt. At first my brain was telling me "Holy shit! It hurts, it hurts, it hurts". But then after 1.3 seconds I realized it didn't hurt at all and I was quite intrigued by the way he hung there. Unsure how to get him off, I remember that to unhinge a snake after biting you have to squeeze the back of their jaw for them to release, and to my disbelief it works on lizards too.

So there you have it. I was playing "super hero" to a lizard today and ended up being bitten. Awesome. I had to share.

Roni.