The Giving Tree...

Today has been one of those days. I cleaned the house from top to bottom, did entirely too much laundry, and am mentally and physically exhausted. Teagan has been testing my nerves since 8am and I eventually just broke into tears around 6:00 this evening. I'd had enough. It was just too much to handle. My nerves are officially shot and I'm worn down. 

After a teary eyed dinner, I decided to get in the pool. I got out of the water to just walked around the yard feeling blah and I stubbed my toe on an old tree stump. All I could do was sit on it and cry. 

(Hormones possibly, but whatever it is today has sucked. And on a positive note: stubbing my toe and crying resulted in a REALLY cool Instagram!) 

While I was sitting there I thought about the book, 'The Giving Tree'. This was probably my all time favorite book growing up and to this day I still cry when I read it. While sitting on that old stump I thought to myself, 

" Is this what I will end up being in 40, 50 years? Just an old stump for someone to rest on?"

I give and give and give. And what do I get in return? Of course I get loved my family, adored by my children, cherished by friends, but beyond that... what? Who is it that gives and gives and gives for me? Today I felt as though I am the only one giving. And I am worn out. 

I've given my body to my children {bye bye hot body}, I've given my time to my family {where has the "me time" gone?}, I've given my heart to my husband {which I don't regret, of course}, I've given my freedom to raise children, and what's left? 

Just a shell of what used to be, just a stump. 

What happened to the full, fruitful, beautiful, Roni? Where did she go? Is this what growing up feels like, because it kinda sucks sometimes. I feel as though I have lost myself somewhere between having kids and getting older. No longer am I the proud, tall, tree; but rather the old, broken, nothing left to give, stump. 

Don't misunderstand this post, I love my life. But really. How much will I give before there is nothing left to give?