I try so hard to be a good parent. I had a fantastic Father and a not so fantastic Mother, so being a good Mom is really important to me. Lately I have been asking myself... Am I doing all I can for them? Surely I am. I do EVERYTHING for them. I'm a friend, confidant, and disciplinarian. Maybe the reason I question my parenting on occasion is because I am the only one who does discipline? My husband doesn't discipline. He's the "good guy" and it drives me absolutely bat shit crazy. Why can't he be the bad guy for once? So of course, I am the only one that hears the, "I don't like you's", and "You're a bad Mom", and "Go away and leave me alone's". And that sucks. Plain out, downright sucks. I hate hearing that.
I don't think I am a bad mom. I think I am a MOM. I'm not just going to let these little wild indians run my house like they are in charge. So as a PARENT, I discipline. I hate to do it, but I have to. It's what parents should do, right?
Teagan and Parker wear my nerves though. This is normal right? It's just their age, surely. That's what I keep telling myself. Teagan is not a "nice" little girl. She's stubborn, moody, spoiled rotten, and way too grown up for her age. I have no idea where she gets it from?? Ahemm...
is was the sweetest kid in the world until about two months ago. Now at 2.5 he is driving me bonkers. He and Teagan fight like rabid animals, can't share for the life of them, and are constantly screaming. I HATE SCREAMING! It's rude. And I don't approve.
So we are constantly in time-out and having "talks" about why we are in trouble, etc... Is that normal? Ha! I'm sure it is, but it still stresses me out. Everyday I ask myself, "Is it only my kids that behave this way?"
Regardless of the screaming, yelling, hitting, biting, pinching, scratching, slapping, stealing, whacking, and so forth... I adore these kids. No one will truly understand love until you have a child of your own. It's some type of bond that cannot even begin to be described. And when I check on them before I head to bed and look at their peaceful, sweet, innocent faces in a deep sleep, my heart literally hurts. I can't fathom the ability to love anything more than I love these little wild banshees. It's all for them. I breathe for them. I wake up for them. I get out of the house looking like I've been hit by a truck, for them. I discipline, for them. I love, for them. I endure the screaming, yelling, hitting, biting, pinching, scratching, slapping, stealing, whacking, for them.
It's all for them. So deep down I know I am a good Mom. It's just hard to fully know that on a day to day basis when your 4-year-old says "she doesn't like me" and "wants a new mom". I hope one day they will understand where me and my strictness came from. I hope one day they will be able to say all the things about me that I would never be able to say about my own Mother. Like... "I love my Mom".
So...Dear Teagan and Parker,
I love you both so much it hurts. You will forever be my sunshine and each day I see you I truly know that there must be a God. What I have done to deserve you both is beyond me, but I will gladly take you. Just know that "time outs" are a part of growing up and you might want to get used to them. I foresee millions more in y'all future. So, no I am not mean. I am your Mother.